A lot of people are throwing around the “ask for help” line right now and while I agree with that and all, I also want to add:
You might not get a good response from the first person you ask for help. This does not mean you should give up.
Suicidal people are not always surrounded by family and friends who are 100% mentally healthy and stable. Even if your friends and family are 100% mentally healthy they might not react well. Here are some common responses you might get when you try to tell someone you love that you are suicidal:
"Don’t talk like that."
"How could you even say something like that?”
"I don’t want to talk about this."
"Sure, we all feel like that sometimes."
"Do you know how shitty you make me feel when you say that?"
Depression will put pretty much anything anyone says through the “they don’t care about me” translator, but if people you love say dumb things about you being suicidal, the reason is they’re reacting emotionally because the idea terrifies them. Would you expect a normal guy on the street to respond reasonably if you ran up and told him that all his neighbors had ebola? No, he’d be scared! And the thought of you killing yourself is just as scary to your loved ones as ebola!
Here’s the part that I would love to say “speak to a professional instead” and then end the post, but unfortunately, sometimes professionals suck too. I know people who have been treated just as shittily by therapists, doctors, ER doctors, suicide hotlines, the VA, all types of people that you’d think would know better. Sometimes you ask for help and you don’t get it. And when you are depressed, you interpret that as “well I guess the universe doesn’t want me to live anymore after all!”
NOPE WRONG. THAT IS THE DEPRESSION SAYING THAT SILLY. If you asked someone for help baking cookies and the cookies turned out horrible because your friend put bugs in them, you would not conclude that you are destined never to bake cookies and that God wants your cookies to suck forever. You would get another friend to help you and eventually you would reach awesome synergistic cookie-making heights of genius.
Picking yourself up and trying again is difficult when you’re depressed but you’re the best, so you can do it. Ignore your loved one’s dumb reaction and try someone else. Hang up the hotline if the guy sucks and dial again and get another operator. Fire your therapist if they’re dumb and get another. Anything. Don’t give up just because it didn’t work the first time. You will find someone who can help you make awesome cookies but you have to keep trying to make those cookies. You can do it! Seriously they’ll be great and they’ll have chocolate chips in them and everything. And no raisins. Fuck raisins.