|east coasters:||i drove through 17 states on the way to work|
|west coasters:||i have been traveling in this desert for 49 years. generations have died. children have been born. when will i make it to the promised land|
|Midwesterners:||I haven't left a 20 mile radius in 2 years|
|Floridians:||It just won't end. Why won't it end. How far north do I have to go before I get to the south.|
I napped and had a dream that the Navy swapped out its working uniforms to this outfit that was all black except for one huge thick white stripe across the front of the shirt like a rugby sweater, and it was cotton and just looked like a horrible overwashed baggy rugby shirt/sweatpants combo. And all the sailors were just really resigned to it and shrugging off having to wear these terrible terrible uniforms, and I was getting really angry and yelling at everyone “It’s the Marines’ fault! They want the Navy to look dumb! It’s ALWAYS THE MARINES" but no one would listen.
Then I had one of those anxiety dreams where you’re trying to do the same thing over and over again but obstacles keep getting in your way, only this time it was me trying to get to a Chipotle because I really wanted tacos.
Anonymous said: Just a note about your Internet Bullshit column : Andrew Blake already moved from the Supernatural fandom ( after ruining some more lives ) and last I heard of him was in July when he was trying to get into the Teen Wolf fandom on Tumblr, but failing because most people were warned ( 1purp0se(.)tumblr(.)com/post/48955640666/and-im-prouder-of-that-than-if-id-simply-been-good sums most of it up ). He's on Tumblr at andythanfiction.
I heard that he tried to get into Teen Wolf and Night Vale, but was run out of fandomtown both times. Wasn’t aware that he’d moved on from Supernatural, but if so that’s good news. Maybe he’s still looking for a new dive.
kumquatwriter said: I just wanted to say how awesome your Internet Bullshitters article was! I was delighted to see Andrew Blake listed in the #1 spot - and glad to NOT see mine! I'm already a fan of your work on Cracked and this was especially great!
Thanks! It was sad that I could only give Andrew a paragraph or two of space in that article when he clearly deserved a thousand.
Someone posted a sad dog gifset, and now I can’t stop crying. Thanks Tumblr.
decode their text messages for “txt speak” slang used by SKELETONS
- LOL - lots of legbones
- SMH - skeletons murdering humans
- FYI - forget your insides! (and become a skeleton)
- WTF - waxing the fibula
- OMG - outta my grave
- FFS - for friendly skeletons
I’ve long been fascinated with Internet fakers: the people who hang around forums and social media sites, vomiting lies out of every orifice like a drunken frat boy who’s also possessed by a demon.
It was difficult to write today’s column between all my secret Navy SEAL Ranger SAS gorilla warfare missions.
FRIDAY 2:30 pm: GODDAMN IT WHAT IS THIS THIS IS ALL WRONG DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND ~*~MY ART~*~ HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I CHANGE ANY PART OF MY VISION YOU GODDAMN SADIST WHO JUST DOESN’T UNDERSTAND
TUESDAY 1:05 am: You know what, you’re right about absolutely everything.